Emotional Eating and Stages of Grief

For most of my life I have struggled with a deep-seated illogical fear of losing my parents, especially my mom.

In college I decided to sign up for a "Death and Dying" course in an attempt to face my fear head on! However, after attending my first "Death and Dying" class, my fear won out and I dropped the class.

Years passed and my parents health seemed strong for the most part...but I still struggled with my fears. My mom and dad were now both in their early 80s and realistically they were entering the winter of their lives. Eventually I would be forced to deal with their deaths. Thus I decided to prepare myself in advance and started seeing a therapist about four years ago. During our sessions she taught me to confront and deal with my irrational fears - especially the one of losing my parents.

Sadly, two months ago my mom passed and I came face to face with my greatest fear! My mom was 88 years old and was one of my best friends! Watching my mom "actively die" was the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. During her final days and nights, as I sat by her hospice bed and listened to her ragged breathing, I struggled to remain calm and squelch an overwhelming and sometimes smothering sense of anxiety and fear.

As I watched her unconscious form struggle my heart yearned for the ability to turn back the clock. There were so many things I had forgotten to ask her! I still needed one more chat with her and one more I love you!

My mom's passing was relatively quick - after about 10 days in hospice early in the evening on May 17 her breathing gradually became quieter and less steady and around 7 p.m. she peacefully drew her last breath.

During her final moments before she fell asleep in Jesus, I (along with other family members and close friends) had the pleasure of holding her hand and reminding her of just how much she was loved!

As we all know the process of grieving is a rough row to hoe and everyone experiences it in their own unique way. However, one thing I had not factored into the grief process was an increased desire for comfort foods. I have always been an emotions driven eater and grief turned out to be no exception. The first couple of weeks while I was sitting with my Mom in hospice and during the burial process my emotions were so high that I felt the constant presence of elephant sized butterflies in my stomach and I was unable to eat. However, as the butterflies faded and numbness and denial set in I felt like everything was moving in slow motion and each day I was just numbly existing.

Then after a few of weeks the numbness started to fade and an intense sadness began to prevail and the dark reality of her being forever gone from this earth set in. I so missed the sound of her voice and our daily phone chats that always ended with I love you's!

As my emotions awakened so did my appetite. Despite being on a healthy eating course for the past six months...I now only crave high fat comfort foods and sweet and salty snacks. Sure, I steadfastly keep the comfort foods and snacks vegan...but they are still high calorie and weight gain inducing. 

Several months ago I was so excited when my friends had shared fresh grapefruits from their backyard tree...now I currently have little desire for fresh citrus and instead crave artificial citrus flavored Sour Patch Kids!  I still eat my fruits and veggies, however, it is not with the same zeal or zest as before.

As my cravings intensified, I keep telling myself, GET A GRIP SHARON - junk food is not the answer for your grief!! However, I was unable to talk myself off the ledge/out of the pantry and I was too embarrassed to reach out to my friends for help. I searched Google for articles on how to prevent overeating during the grief process...but came up empty handed. Had no one in the past ever struggled with this issue? Or maybe they had...but possibly it was not a big health concern for them. However, for me it was, and I needed to get my appetite for comfort/junk food back in check and pronto!!

I also knew I really needed to start chronicling my weight loss journey again (the good, the bad and the ugly)! However, I was torn on how to write about what I was experiencing and I was ashamed to admit to the world that I was struggling to keep it together - especially food wise!

Finally I decided to go back to what I knew had worked in the past. I prayed, emailed my friends who had helped me start this journey in the first place and watched the reality show "my 600 pound life" which always helps me to see the devastating the effects of morbid obesity on an individual. It was hard to start writing, but as I did the tears flowed I felt the therapeutic benefits of writing take place.

My Beautiful Mom

The act of blogging the passing of my Mom helped me to remember and reclaim what I had felt at the moment of her passing. As she breathed her last breath I felt the Father draw near and I experienced a peace that only comes from the true Comforter! Being at my Mom's beside as she died released me of my lifelong fear of death and at that very moment God gave me the assurance that by His Grace I will survive this grieving process. And, as my mother's daughter she who would have wanted me to carry on in health!

Wishing you prosperity in your journey!

Love,
Sharon

Ways to combat stress and weight gain

Life and stress have a well established courtship - and it's a proven fact that stress can lead to weight gain! Daily we are bombarded with new stressors and no matter how hard we strive to develop and maintain a low stress lifestyle something stressful always seems to pop up unexpectedly!   

When I am dealing with life's stressors I can choose to manage it in a healthy manner or I can choose to let it extract it's painful toll on my overall health and wellbeing.

For the vast majority of my life I let stress win!  I would self sooth during stressful situations by eating high sugar and fatty foods and unsurprisingly I am not alone with my response.  According to a Prevention article entitled "7 Ways to Beat Stress Fat," Elissa Epel, PhD, a researcher on stress eating at the University of California, San Francisco noted, "we crave sweet, salty, and high-fat foods because they stimulate the brain to release pleasure chemicals that reduce tension."   

This explains why when faced with stressful situations my knee jerk response is to bury my face in a pint of ice cream or a bag of crunchy snacks.  However, while the stress might seem to abate while eating the unhealthy foods it is really only gaining momentum as I gain extra pounds, which in turn causes more stress!  

Thankfully I am learning new ways to cope with stress. I am learning ways to change my overall lifestyle (not just my eating habits).   As I become healthier as a whole I am developing the right tools to adequately cope with stress.   A good friend of mine once gently reminded me that "I can't give what I don't have!"  Keeping that sage piece of advice in mind I am striving to set healthy boundaries in my life.  

I have chosen to start being kinder to myself! I am learning to step back and leave stressful situations in God's hands.  I ask for help when needed and call on friends to pray with me when I am struggling.   I am finding healthy ways to increase my activity levels.  

I am taking time to incorporate more fresh air and sunshine in my life.  And most importantly, I am learning to give myself grace when I stumble eating wise.  As soon as I become aware that I am starting to slip back into old unhealthy eating habits I choose not to wait until the next day to get back on track, instead I seize the next moment and start a fresh right then and there!

If I am longing for something sweet a few dates or figs will usually still my sweet tooth.  If I am yearning for something crunchy and salty I enjoy a bowl of air popped popcorn tossed with a scant teaspoon of olive oil and a generous coating of nutritional yeast, along with a sprinkle of sea salt.  These flavor filled healthy treats will help to chases away the junk food cravings and the extra pounds! 

Wishing you prosperity in your journey!

Sharon